Archive for August 17th, 2009

Just Send Chocolate

Monday, August 17th, 2009

Today I have been trying to clear my desk off, and I finally sorted the huge stack of coupons that I faithfully clip from the paper every Sunday in an effort to save a few bucks. It also included the coupons I download and print from websites and the ones that Kroger sends me for being a good little shopper. And I’d just like to send an open letter to the kind purveyors of all this largess:

Dear Manufacturers,

I just finished sorting and filing my coupons so I can go to the grocery store. Most of them were already expired. I have sad news for you. Women are too busy to always sort the coupons the week you print them. If you can’t put an expiration date on the coupon that is at least three months long, don’t bother. Six months would be much better.

That means that I will have time to use up the shower lotion that I only need in winter and I can use the coupon for a new bottle in October. In August, it just makes me sticky. Thank you for making the amount either $.50 or $1.00, because the ones that are $.55 don’t double and that’s just an annoying teaseā€”so close to being worth a dollar if only you’d been a nickle chintzier. And the tiny little print you use for the expiration date? Whatever new college grad marketing genius picked the font should be fired. Thank you so much! Your faithful customer.

Yeah, I can hear it now. The born organized women out there are shaking their fingers at me and pointing out that if I would just sort them as I clipped them, it would be so much easier.

Dear Women who always sort the coupons as soon as you cut them out, which you do on the day you receive them,

Shut up! We hate you. If our lives were organized enough to do that, we’d be the queen of the world and wouldn’t need to clip coupons. No offense.

Your ordinary Sidetracked Home Executive sisters.

I guess that told THEM! Now where was I….oh, yes:

Dear Manufacturers,

Forget the coupons. Just send chocolate. Thank you.