Archive for April 27th, 2009

World Events; A Summary

Monday, April 27th, 2009

Sometimes I think I should blog about world events, so as to be relevant and timely. The trouble is, I don’t really care much about world events. If I did, I’d go live in the world instead of this tiny little corner of Ohio. I don’t watch the news on TV. I read the headlines in the paper and on Yahoo and if something seems interesting and not too scary I might read a little more. Mostly, though, I get my world events from Reader’s Digest.

Here is what I’ve gleaned about world events in the last couple of weeks. The pirates are not in the Caribbean, they’re in the Indian Ocean, except Johnny Depp, who may return to the Caribbean without Orlando Bloom. Or not. There’s a war in the middle east. I could have just guessed on that one. We’re in a recession, or maybe a depression, but in any case, the economy is the worst it’s been since the last time it was this bad. There is flooding in the mid-west (oh, wait, I could have guessed on that one, too.) Global warming is going to get us, and we had a colder than normal winter. The price of natural gas is down. I had a good joke for that but my mother doesn’t allow potty humor.

Lots of people died unexpectedly. Some celebrities did stupid stuff. GM might go bankrupt, and they don’t have Lee Iaccoca to make commercials that win our trust. Our first lady is as fashionable as the first lady of France, and Ruth Bader Ginsberg is getting lonely without another woman to join her in the ladies room at the Supreme Court. And the biggest news of the week? The presidential kids got a new dog. Presidential Dogs are always big news.

┬áReading over my list, I notice that the news is just about the same as it was in the year I graduated from high school (and no, I’m not going to tell you what year that was. It’s also the same as the news in whatever year YOU graduated from high school.) Change the name of the celebrity, move the war over a country or two, and insert the correct natural disaster, you’ve got a newscast.

┬áSo there you have it. All the news that’s fit to make fun of. And that’s the way it is on this day in April, 2009. Goodnight, and may the good news be yours.